On reflection, I feel I haven't actually reflected at all here yet about my actual connection with acucullophilia - my kink.
I have to admit it strikes me as odd that I should have such a thing, but there it is, the size of a Cadillac in the living room, and with me almost my entire life already. I have no reason at all to have this inclination, I think. There was absolutely nothing sexually out of the ordinary about my upbringing, and I grew up in central Europe, in a perfectly central European family, where nobody was ever circumcised.
It boils down to the fact that I became aware at the age of about six that there appeared to be two different kinds of penis. From that day on, that topic was my obsession. Nothing had happened, no trauma, no drama... other than that I thought the circumcised version looked unbelievably compelling in some way I could not describe. I had no desire whatsoever to engage with someone else's penis, of course - I only noticed the phenomenon out of the corner of my eye every now and then, thinking "damn! There it was again!"
As life unfolded, I got to know myself better, and have been attributing my acucullophilia to my most noticeable, central personality trait: A love for anything that is at the same time exotic or different, aesthetic, attainable or open, and powerful. Super power countries, their biggest cars, their cultures... and that is also where circumcision comes in. We grew up with the somewhat naive notion that the richest powers in the world were "the Americans, the Arabs, and the Jews"; and all of them have always meant power and beauty to me. It's a romanticized image, of course, coming from things like Hollywood, and plain stereotypes of "rich Jews" and both the Ottoman Empire and Saudi sheiks (we are talking 1970s here, folks).
So, in a way, this was the penis of the powerful, accomplished, and interesting in the world. And we boring, VW-Bug driving, wurst-eating creatures were simply never going to live up to their standards. They seemed to be living lives that were free from everything I personally hated so much about Europe at the time: The greyness, the restrictions, the closed minds... I also wanted to be one of the interesting people. I wanted to live in a place where everyone had large cars with automatic transmission; air conditioning in the house, and a pool; palm trees; companies making space ships and satellites, doing research into fuel cells... that's where I wanted to be, and it seemed that all that was firmly controlled by circumcised people.
I was never sure if I'd have the courage to turn myself into that; after all, it seemed a very sensitive part to expose all the time. But I always knew I had it "in me" - a strange and apt analogy, I guess. And when I was 18, I decided to "unwrap" myself, to be all I could be. It was, perhaps, a bit like a snake shedding its old skin. The ancient Egyptians also had a ritual with that theme, I later learned.
Today, I feel like I have made something of myself, and the circumcision is part of that.
What is strange though is how this could become such a sexual hangup for me. I still fail to understand fully where the sexualisation of a civilisational ideal happened, and why. Perhaps it is as simple as, "since the object of attribution is a penis, it must be sexual." Still, it is a mystery to me to this day. Hence the many surveys I created here on this site. I want to understand where this thing comes from.
And it has unbelievable power over me sexually. There is no sex happening in my life, of any kind, that wouldn't have circumcision related thoughts at the center. For me, there is a strange mix going on of "circumcised gets the actual job done better" and a vague impression of strong, female preference for it in the background that can edge into female domination territory.
Some people’s opinion one simply cannot change. Mine, for example.